Is life supposed to be like this?

Is life supposed to be this hard and hurtful? The past few days have been a hard one for me. Today I found some old notes that Diane and I wrote for one another while were were dating. While I read some of them I can feel my heard break into many more pieces and just fall apart, my eyes filled with tears of sadness and hurt. The tears started rolling down my cheeks and at that point I could not stop. I know that things happen for a reason and that I will become a stronger person because of it but I cant take this pain any longer. Im so hurt and depressed no one really knows it. I put up a good front to it all when around others and no one really knows how bad I am hurting. When I am alone I cry every day. Today was the first time since she left that any one has seen me cry, my sister Courtney and she told me "don't cry, shes stupid". All though she may be true, it still hurts. She was and still is the love of my life, the person I was with for six wonderful years of my life, the person that I enjoyed going to bed with every night, laying next to all night, seeing the first thing when I woke up, the person I enjoyed doing every thing with. It was all taken from me in the blink of an eye, gone forever. There was no working on it as she didnt want to, she was done and wants nothing to do with me. I have thought and been very close to taking my own life several times to take the pain away. The thought of what my family would have to go through for me making that decision after what we went through with our mother was not an option. What would my kids turn out like knowing that their father did not stay around for them, would they hate me? They need their father as I need mine and as I need my mother whom I can not turn to at this time of need. My heart is beat up, damaged, broken, full of heat, sorrow, and pain. Can it ever be fixed and will it ever be fixed? I dont know but I do hope so. I want to be happy again, I want to have a family again, I want to be blessed with that special some one who wont leave me when things get tough but will stand by my side through thick and thin. This is what I want and what I need.